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Author Topic: Tsu-Khan Wiki Page  (Read 2490 times)
Space Cadet
Posts: 35


« on: 2011-04-04 20:34:35 »

I've written an initial draft for the story behind the Tsu-Khan aliens. It needs review and editing to fit the canon.

Mega - Chief Ingar Annoyer
Posts: 87


« Reply #1 on: 2011-04-04 21:06:10 »

Yes! I like the histories and especially the idea of the Bringers of Great Knowledge. The storyline
switches the Empress to the good side though:

The Emperor was the real man in power. He was killed during the war with the Humans during
the battle in the Anarian nebula. In the aftermath of the war, Forward Maal-Tol seized control of the Empire.

The Empress' role was more a ceremonial one: she's a mystic and knows a war with the Humans is not
the best solution to save her dying race. It was she who gave the orders to retreat the fleet 300 years ago,
something Maal-Tol could never forgive her and it was probably the main cause for his coup d'etat.

While the Incarnation of the Empress has a very deep and important spiritual meaning to the Tsu-Khan,
the power of force ultimately rests with the military, something the Empress knows very well.
50 years ago she send out a scout to make contact, but the entire operation ended in a disaster known
to the humans as The Karelian Incident. Maal-Tol has kept the Empress under strict surveillance since,
and the entire situation only helped to revive the plan to get rid of the human problem.

And then there's the Osirion. The Tsu-Khan military have located it drifting at the edge of the galaxy, but
for some reason they can neither reach, nor control it. Its discovery urged the Empress to attempt to contact
the humans again but since she is not capable of doing it herself, she sends out her niece instead.

If the Osirion were to be turned into a weapon, it wouldn't destroy planets, it would destroy starsystems.
That's probably bad for your karma.

Medium nitpicking:

- I'd rename the niece to Lin-Tsu or Lin-Su or something more chinese sounding. It always liked
chinese ninja women.

- imho, there's no need for the Jai-Rii to be actually named and have a dedicated subpage.

Minor nitpicking:

- I wouldn't use double quotes around some names. The subpage link makes it yellow already.

- No need to explicitly reference Earth in
  atmosphere was several times thicker than Earth's before the Human's Exodus,
  a more general reference to 'human class planet' or something
  (which would make sense in the Tsu-Khan's native tongue)
« Last Edit: 2011-04-04 21:51:49 by StalKermit » Logged

OK Space Cadets, prepare to hurtle through the cosmos!
Space Cadet
Posts: 35


« Reply #2 on: 2011-04-05 00:12:47 »

- imho, there's no need for the Jai-Rii to be actually named and have a dedicated subpage.
I was actually going to expand on that. The Tsu-Khan military being heavily influenced by their writings, etc, or a ship named after them. It could also be used as an insult by Tsu-Khan civilians.

For everything else, I agree.

Mega - Chief Ingar Annoyer
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